Today, Tuesday 10 September 2024, is World Suicide Prevention Day, and I’m going to share some truths with you all. You may not feel like they are truths, but truths they are.
You are far more resilient and strong than you realise, and you are never, ever alone ❤️
No matter how low you are feeling, no matter how hopeless and dark you think life is, there is ALWAYS a way out ❤️
You are loved, you matter and you have a purpose in life, even if you feel you don’t ❤️
But how do I know that these are truths? I’d like to share some of my own experiences with suicidal feelings in the hope that if just ONE of you who is feeling like I did sees this post and reaches out to me for support, it will be worth it.
Having been there SO many times in my life because of abuse, bullying and trauma I know exactly what it is like to want to just not be here anymore and to think there is no way out. I’ve experienced this in all areas of my life throughout my life from family, at school, at college, from so-called friends and in the workplace. There is not a single area of my life that I haven’t experienced bullying and abuse.
The last time I felt like that was December 2021. I remember sitting in my Aunty Lena’s house before she moved to Worthing crying my eyes out over how I was being treated, utterly convinced I had failed. But I hadn’t failed. I had BEEN failed by others, time and time and time again in my life. There is a HUGE difference.
I’m sure there is also a direct correlation with the amount of bullying and abuse I’ve had aimed at me in my lifetime and the fact I am neurodivergent. Numerous studies have shown that those of us who are neurodivergent are far more likely to be targeted by bullies and abusers, and suffer higher levels of anxiety, depression and imposter syndrome as a result. I always think of the line in the film “Cool Runnings”, “We’re different, people are always afraid of what’s different.” It is SO true.
Fast forward to today and I can’t believe the difference. I will never, ever let ANYONE make me feel like that ever again, EVER – I don’t care who they are. I also accept my neurodivergent differences 100%. If others can’t that is their problem, not mine. It says FAR more about the bullies and abusers that they choose to treat me appallingly than it EVER will about me. Ironically since December 2021 I’ve had the best time of my life, and I’m sure it is no coincidence.
I know first hand what the pain and desperation is like. I know first hand what the train of thought is like when you feel that you have no way out. I know first hand the feeling of thinking that everyone will be better off without me. I felt all that and more inside, but I masked how I felt, put on a smile and pretended to the world that I was okay when I wasn’t, hence sharing this quote from the late, great actor Robin Williams.
I want you all to promise me something. If any of you reading this blog ever feel like this, no matter what time of day or night it is, message me on here and talk to me. I am a qualified mental health first aider, something I did to be able to help others, because I don’t want a single one of you feeling the way I have and thinking you are alone – you are NOT alone.
I’m very lucky to have an incredible support network of friends who have become family who have helped me so much, and I’m here for anyone who needs the same. I hate thinking that any of you are suffering in silence, like I did. That support network has come from the most unlikely of people, who I now count as good friends ❤️
For those of you who have been there for me, I can’t thank you all enough, but now it is my turn. Let me #PayItForward ❤️❤️
#SuicidePreventionDay
#HereForYouAll