Also, if you see someone you want to speak to at an event who is already heavily embroiled in a conversation with someone else, please don’t plonk yourself in a seat next to them and assume it is okay for you to join them without asking or checking first. And yes, both things happened to me at Infosecurity Europe this year.
Going to any event, but especially a large-scale one like #Infosec takes everything I’ve got to get through it. From a sensory overload perspective, I find having to deal with the noise levels, crowds of people, lights, bright colours and patterns from the stands and even the heat (you would be amazed at how much heat is generated from the stands and all the people at Infosec). I mitigate this by scheduling in as much down time as I can for a couple of days before and after Infosec, which does help a bit.
But from the moment I arrived at Infosec I was bombarded with texts, calls and WhatsApp messages from various people all asking where I was so they could meet me. I again mitigated this as best I could by arranging meet ups in advance with key people who I wanted to see and talk to. In addition, when generally walking round Infosec I couldn’t go more than a few steps without running into someone who wanted to talk to me, and this became very overwhelming.
It was the same last year and I assumed then that it was because Infosec took place a couple of days after I was able to announce that I had been awarded an MBE. The comments of congratulations and well done were truly humbling and heartwarming, and I was so grateful that so many people wanted to talk to me. But this year it was MUCH worse, and PLEASE don’t get me wrong, I appreciate EVERY single one of you who wanted to meet and talk to me at Infosec, but there came a point where I just couldn’t cope with the constant talking anymore.
I was approached by someone who I won’t name on the Wednesday night as I was heading to try and find somewhere to sit for a few minutes before the European Blogger awards, and at the time they approached me I didn’t recognise them as I hadn’t met them before, but they said they followed me on LinkedIn. I held out the red lanyard so they could see it, made my apologies and explained that I was trying to take a quiet break. Yet they blatantly ignored the lanyard and my request and carried on chatting away to me 😡 😡 doing something like that when I’ve specifically asked for space as I am taking a silent break will NOT adhere me to you in ANY way.
I managed to find somewhere to sit and put my feet up for a few minutes as they were killing me; the overwhelm started to dissipate and I was joined by Gary Hawkins. I didn’t mind that as I know Gary and wanted to catch up with him, but I’m sure if I had shown him my red lanyard, he would have respected it. I also heard that there was supposed to be a quiet room/area at Infosec, but I had no idea where this was and I gave up trying to find it. I’d be interested to know if anyone who was there who is neurodivergent managed to find and make use of it.
In addition, I was trying to have a meeting with someone in The Fox on the Tuesday of Infosec and someone else who wanted to talk to me pulled up a chair and joined in without checking that it was okay to do so first. This is definitely not okay; yes events like Infosec are all about the networking, but please check first that someone is happy for you to join them and join in their conversation before assuming it is okay to that. By contrast, on the Wednesday I was joined by Dr Anthony Evans when I was chatting to Jacques Schooler and Fiona Wickramasinghe – this was okay as I invited Anthony to join me. He even said he would leave me to it if I wanted him to, I didn’t, but the fact he checked with me is how it should be.
So, if you see me wearing my sunflower lanyard, or if I show you the red part of it that states I’m trying to have a silent break because I am overwhelmed, I implore you to respect it and give me some space. The sunflower lanyard signifies that someone has a hidden disability, and while I don’t think of myself as disabled due to my autism and ADHD, if I am wearing this lanyard it is for a reason.
It takes a lot for people who are neurodivergent to attend large scale events, so I hope this blog raises some much needed awareness about the importance of respecting our space if we ask for it. For those of you who do respect our need for space when we ask for it, thank you so much, because it makes all the difference to our mental well-being at events, helps us avoid overload and helps us not have an autistic or ADHD meltdown if we do get too overwhelmed.
#OpenlyNeurodivergent
#NerodivergentAndProud
#SunflowerLanyard
#RespectForSpace
